Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
