I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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