Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
