I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
