so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize