So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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