You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
