I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
