We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
