Where is the hickey?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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