i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
two words: eviction party
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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