Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
