tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
