I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
