i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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