We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
