i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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