i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
