...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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