A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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