a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Still dying that you shit outside
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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