i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
