you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
