Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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