Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize