You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
