It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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