Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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