so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
