everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
