I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
