I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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