so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize