I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
