people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
