so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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