You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
