Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
