I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
