I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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