Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
