i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
