she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
