I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
