so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
