I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
