zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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