I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
