My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize