Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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