I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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