you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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