you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
