I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
