So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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