When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize