new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
