You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Randomize
