I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
