my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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