I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
