you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
