I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize