Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize