Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
