im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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