I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
