Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
