just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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