When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
