I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
