I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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