she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
