Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
