WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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