How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
