At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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