Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
