Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
