so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
