That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
