Just cropdusted the office
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
