He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
