I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
