they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
