pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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