Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
