also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found puke in my bra..
it's great music for shaving your balls
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
