Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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