I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
