I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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