my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
