that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
