he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
