Buhtt sex?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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