Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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