My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
