its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm too high and old for this...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
