just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
