I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Barsexuality is the new black.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
