I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
