I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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