I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
