I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize