Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
