I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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