DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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