$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Panties = found
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
