Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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