U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
